i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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