Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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