I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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