Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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