Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
