I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
