Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
