We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
