Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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