is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
