im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were destined to go to rehab together
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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