margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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