Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
