dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
