So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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