Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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