I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
