Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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