those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My balls are so social today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
