I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's great music for shaving your balls
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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