There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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