I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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