I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Come on in and take your pants off
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