If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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