he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
