Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
