I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
