Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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