Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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