Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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