when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
