i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize