maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
