Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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