Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize