i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The power of my boobs compel you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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