alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
