it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
