Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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