How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize