why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
