I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize