and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
