Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
