you would pick up someone in the library
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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