I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
