im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
