So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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