Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
