last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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