just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
