nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
