i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
