how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
