I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake