My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
